Too young to die, too beautiful to live
by Myamora Malfoy
Summary: She deicides to die on hospital's bed cuz she have AIDS and she writes her memories. Caracter: OC,Darcy, Peter, Mia, Lucas, Johnny, Jay, Manny, Emma. Drug,Violence,Love, AIDS..CHAPTER 5! About Drug and Johnny's dad
1. Scarlet Sara Jane O’Brien

Disclaimer: I do not own Degrassi, only Johnny XD

**A/N- So remember I'm French Canadian, sorry for the bad English.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Degrassi but Johnny is mine XD**

**Thanks again to my lovely beta!!**

**Chapter 1**

**Presentation**

In this note, book, diary...call it what you want. I will tell you my life, im guessing you are reading this because you have nothing to do or because you were a friend or a part of my family. Whatever, I don't really care who you are. The most important thing is that you read this. People need to know the truth about myself, my life. Why I'm dead...

My name is Scarlet Sara Jane O'Brien; my dad is an Irish and my mom is a Canadian. They are not together anymore...since like maybe 10 years...I was 7 when they broke up. Now I'm 17. I never see my dad. He just calls and sends birthday cards with a lot of money! Okay, more you need to know before I continue my story...why I'm here in this fucking hospital's bed, waiting for my last goodbye. Two schools were important to me in my life, Degrassi and Lakehurst, so all the names are true, all the people are true. They were my 2 high schools...the only places in my life where I was safe. Other places are too dirty...my home, my squat, the backstreet of the strip club, Johnny's room, Johnny's house blah blah blah...

Okay, so I introduced myself...more presentation? Ok. I'm a junkie...it's what people say about me. Maybe you will have another opinion at the end. So I hope. I'm wildly beautiful. I'm a badass, kind of smart; I'm loyal to my true friend. Anyway, just read and you will know who I am.

I think that I can now begin my story. It began when I was 7...

E**nd of chapter One**


	2. Rape

Disclaimer: I do not own Degrassi, only Johnny XD

**Disclaimer: I do not own Degrassi, only Johnny XD.**

**AND BIG THANKS TO MY BETA READER xoEmalyxo WHO DID A GREAT GREAT JOB!(by the way if you want something special in this fic, tell me!)**

**Chapter 2**

Seven years old...I was such a beautiful girl, long red-blonde hair, green eyes. Then, I was so adorable, well, maybe too much. But that's another story. At this time, my parents were always fighting. So one day, I went downstairs, near the front door. My father's luggage was by it. And I saw him, sitting on the couch. He looked at me. At that moment, I didn't know, but it was the last time. And now that I think about it...probably the last time of my not-that-much-long-life.

"Hey, little Angel. Come here," he gestured at me.

His voice was grave, some kind of sad. He had his guitar (yeah my dad was a musician) in his hands. So I came with the hope inside of me that he would play something for me. I was close to him. And I saw the water in his eyes. I felt my heart squeeze. I remember that I was afraid.

"You know you're the best thing ever for me…but I need to leave you and your mom. Because your mommy loves someone else. Do you understand, Scarlet?" he asked me as he looked into my eyes.

I was stuck. I just stopped to think. In the head of the little girl that I was, my fairytale was broken now.

"Yes, I think that I understand, Daddy. Will I ever see you again?" I asked him.

Okay, now it's the first big lie I was told of my life.

"Of course. You're my daughter! And I love you!" he embraced me in a hug.

I hugged him. And I never saw him again. We only talked on the phone. I know that he has a wife and 3 kids.

"Me too, Daddy. I love you more than the universe. I promise that I will not like 'the someone else'!" I promised.

It makes me laugh how I was kind of smart when I was younger. A cute ballet dancer.

"Scarlet, I want to give you something," he began.

He showed me his guitar and put it in my little hand.

"I put my soul in here, so take care of it."

He looked at his watch.

"Okay, angel...I need to leave now. Take care of you and your mother."

He gave me the biggest hug ever...and walked away. I never saw him again. And I keep the guitar...and it will be always the only one that I will have. The only one that I play with...this guitar…it's now my soul.

So, seven years old, no dad anymore. Welcome to the new step-father...it's really because of him that I am what I am now. It's hard for me to talk about this part of my life...if it was only the fact that my dad is gone, but it's not sad for me. You know when you're a kid, you are just innocent, think that everything is beautiful, everybody is trustful? And he broke that...He broke everything in me…

'_Breathe Scarlet...breathe...everything is all right, he will be in jail soon_. _No, not tears...'_

The worst thing is that he didn't do it just once but he did it so many times. I'm not able to say each time. I remember the first time. I remember him and his friends. I remember his universe and how he treats me, remember the last time...

He was leaving with us. My dads was gone, my mom invited him to live with us. My friend was sometimes laughing at me with this situation, like Holly J...she was my friend at this age, with Anya. The three girlfriends of the ballet.

My stepfather and I were alone one night. Babysitting for him and pizza for me! Yeah! My mom worked late.

I remember this night. It was fun, I watched baseball with him and he showed me some tricks with his motorcycle. You know the cool stepfather. My bedtime came around. He kissed my forehead...and after my lips. He put his tongue in my mouth. I was so young, so innocent, understood nothing. Not able to put him off on me. Oh yes, I remember each detail. He was on me, I was able to smell him...beer, cigar and beer. He began to caress me with his rough hands...everywhere. He pulled down his pants, his boxers, mine too... you know the rest. I lost my virginity at 7 years old, by my stepfather. I will always remember this night. It sticks in my head. I think of that each day of my life.

So the me that you now know begins in this era.

End of

**Chapter 2**

**Thanks to read!**

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	3. No more nice girl

Disclaimer: I do not own Degrassi, only Johnny XD

**Disclaimer- I don't own anything except Johnny XD.**

**THANKS TO MY LOVELY BETAREADER!!**

**Please leave revew!(bad or good)**

**Chapter 3**

**No more nice girl**

After I was raped, I was feeling so alone. I was afraid that he was goingto come back to my room. I was afraid to say something in front of him, because after the rape he began to treat me like shit. He would hit me, every time I was not doing what he wanted...not only sexually. In front of my dear mom...

"Go wash the dishes," he ordered

"I can't. I'm practicing my ballet."

"GO WASH THE DISHES, YOU LITTLE BASTARD!" he screamed at me.

So, I was afraid. My mom in this story? I will never know why she never did something. I can't remember her face. I think now that she was afraid too. Afraid to be alone. Do I hate her? I think I have pity for her...when I was younger, like 14, I hated her so much! I didn't understand anything. It's sad that I fear to be near death, to realize all these thing, not feeling hate anymore...

With him in the house, it was impossible for me to practice ballet, to do my homework and study because every time that my mother was not there, he was there...and a little too much. So at school, things were not so good. I remember my first detention...with Johnny, Bruce, Lucas...it's weird, it's the same gang of the high school.

"_Scarlet, that's the fifth homework that you didn't do. I think you will need to go to detention.''_

I hated all this stuff. Authority. When I was 7 and 8, it was the worst thing. I was afraid of that. So I went to my first detention at 7, near 8.

I was at the back of the class, drawing in my notebook, unable to concentrate myself on my copy when the guys entered the class. With them they brought their bad boy attitudes, laughing loud. The little golden boy came to me.

"Hey teacher's pet! What are you doing at my place?" he questioned.

Yeah, teacher's pet...hahaha. Let me laugh at this. Because before Johnny, I was the perfect girl, with the perfect notes, perfect clothes, perfect languages, perfect attitude. I was the popular girl of my years with Holly J and Anya.

"Shut up Johnny! I'm in detention too. So, I'm not a teacher's pet! Class's garbage!"

I will always remember his face, and Bruce's and Lucas' face. He was so angry; he just sat down at my left. But Lucas asked me why I was there...so I began to lie about my life...

"Not you're business!"

The cute little girl they knew since 5 was not there in the class. I remember that I was rude with them. Johnny glanced at me, watching my drawing...all in black. A rainbow and a princess in black...

The next day at the lunch time, I went to sit with Holly J and Anya. But Holly J stopped me.

"Scarlet, you can't be our friend anymore. My mom doesn't want us to hang out with you because you got a detention. And she saw the boyfriend of your mom...and she said that he is in a gang. Sorry Scarlet."

So…no place to eat. I was alone. Really alone. She was laughing behind my back. I swept my tears away and ate my lunch in the bathroom. The day after, Lucas invited me to sit with them. I was not sure it was a good idea. But they looked very nice at me, not with the others. Our friendships began there…well friendships and more trouble. Because chilling around with them made myself a bad ass. Really...I mean at the break, I was always in fight with a girl or a guy. In class, I stole money in the puss of the professor...many times.

For my 8 years old birthday, my dad called me and my mom. And she told him that I was a really "bad girl". He asked me why I was like that, and my answer? Now that I remember, it was kind of funny. I told him it was because it was more fun like that.

One week after this call, I received 100 dollars. But you know what? My stepfather took it. He told me that "if I'm nice, I will have it". Gosh, I hate him. Insert in the head of the little girl, that she will have money if she is "nice", be sure that she will later be a prostitute. So I sucked him and he gave my money back...bastard! It was in October. Two weeks before Halloween.

On Halloween day, I went to Johnny's house...well if you want to call it a house. It was small and dirty. I was afraid to enter there. So I told myself that it can't be worse that my house. At the interior, the smell was the same thing of my stepfather. Alcohol and cigars. So, we found on the table of the kitchen, cigarettes. We were young and wanted to try stuff. So smoked my first cigarette and certainly not the last! But when we were smoking, Johnny's father arrived. He smelled too much beer and looked very mad. I will always remember the hit that he gave to Johnny's head. I saw water in his eyes. His father taking him violently by the shoulder and putting him outside the home.

"Be back at 11 o'clock, motherfucker...not before! Or it will be worse!"

He looked at me.

"You saw nothing...go away girl!"

I ran to see Johnny and I showed him my wounds on my legs. He touched them. We needed no words to understand, that our lives were not easy. And it's still like that. When he came to see me at the hospital, we stayed hand in hand during hours and hour, without a word. Only our hearts beating together. Okay, it's not exactly the image that Johnny gives at the first look. But me and him, it's like that since 10 years.

When I was 8 to 11, he was the only one who knew my secrets. That's why it was so special between me and him.

So the rest of the school years (October until June), things were like that. My stepfather raping me and hitting me. I went away to the park, join Johnny (who was hit by his father), Bruce and Lucas.


	4. My dear lovely Vodka

Disclaimer: I do not own Degrassi, only Johnny XD

**Disclaimer- I don't own anything except Johnny XD.**

**THANKS TO MY LOVELY BETA READER!!**

**Please leave a review! (Bad or good)**

**Thank you so much at the people who review for my story! I really appreciate it! So I hope you will continue to read and leave review**

**A/N: OK I mention Hell's Angels...but not in a good way! Because the normal Hell's Angel, hate teen prostitution, hate strip teen, hate pedophile. They are all against this shit. So it's just because I was no idea what to use, I wanted a street gang, with motorcycles, and who have strip club, who haves drug, ect.**

**A/N: Normal print is the past, Italic is the present.**

**Chapter 4**- **My dear lovely Vodka**

**So it's time to skip a little time...its true! What the more can I say for my 8 and 9 years old? I was raped, 2 times a week. If I was lucky, I'd only get hit one time a day. At 10, things change...I was more rebellious. I dyed my hair in a flashy red, I wore my first perfecto. I smoked cigarettes with Johnny and Bruce (Lucas was playing soccer and he said that it was too bad for his health). And at 10, I took my first shot of Vodka...and not only once. I know I was so young...my mom was always working during the night. At 10, my mom was stripping in a club... (It was a Hell's Angel club). Sometimes, my mom would bring me to that club.**

**It's hard to believe how my little princess dream's were broken. My dad's gone, 3 years later, we leave the house, no more money, go live in a dirty apartment (near Johnny's house) with my step father. He was not working, only on his motorcycle or friend's car. And which friends? Hell's Angel...he was one of them. Like the father of Johnny. So you see the portrait now? Johnny and I were some kind of condemned to be what we are now. **

**Anyway, one night, Johnny and I were waiting for our parents at the back of the club. Where the alcohol was stored. So, two bad kids with nothing to do. We stole 2 bottles of vodka and went to join Bruce and Lucas.**

**We were at the park, chilling at the top of the slide with Bruce and Lucas, listening to Slayer (a big trash metal band) and of course, drinking vodka. I liked the sensation at the first swallow. It was hot in my throat. I drank another and another. It was magic. I was thinking that I was so strong and everything was okay. Here in the dark, with my buddies. I drank half of the bottle. I remember that Johnny and Lucas were so sick. They barfed in the backstreet of the club. My mom was waiting for me with my stepfather. I laughed in his face. He took me by the arm with all his force. But I felt nothing inside my mind. I understood that vodka was my saviour.**

**Because at home, he raped me again. And I felt nothing. It's horrible when I think…I was just 10. JUST 10!! I was a fucking little girl! Not an adult. Same thing for Johnny. I mean, how can people do something like this at a child?! Ten years old, and like alcohol...the next step drugs at 11 but that is another story.**

_I put my pen down, I heard someone knocking at my door._

**"**_You can come in!"_

_Johnny...he brought me some red roses and kissed me on my forehead. He looked tired and sad. And he sat next to me on my bed. I took his hand._

**"**_Thanks, babe, for the flowers,'' I smiled._

**"**_No prob, Scarlet,'' he returned the smile._

_Since I was at the hospital, he was so cold with me. I think that he tried to hide his sadness and his pain. I could feel it by his breath._

**"**_Scarlet, I talked to the doctor today, to know if it's possible for you to survive if you decide to take your pills now…,''Johnny stopped with a sigh._

**"**_Oh no, Johnny, please don't cry."_

_I know the answer...he hides his eyes._

**"**_And she said, no, it's true now that you will die in a month, probably. And I can't believe that you did that to me...I know it's your decision. But I don't know what I will do now.''_

_I could see a tear fall down on his cheek; I swept it away and kissed his hand._

**"**_Be with me for now. And after, you will read what I'm writing and publish it," I gave him a small smile._

**"**_You know, you're the best thing in my life. I mean, with you, I don't have to play the tough guy or a game. You're the one who understands who I am.''_

**"**_You'll find another one, in health. I'm happy because I will die. And I know all the pain that decision cause to you. And I love you, Johnny, more than anyone. And not only like a boyfriend, but like a best friend, too. I need you to stay by my side now. Because maybe I choose to die, but maybe I'm afraid too!"_

_Now it's my turn. I cried. He caressed my long black hair and kissed me on my lips._

**"**_I'll be there Scarlet. We live together through too many things. So I will not let you live this alone.''_

_He stood up._

**"**_So I need to go, I need to go class, because I made you a promise...I will have my diploma._**_"_**

_And he walked away._

**The good fact about Johnny is that he never became a junkie. Oh yeah, he took 2 times or 3 ecstasy and took some marijuana but that's it. But like me...Johnny, me and vodka were beginning to be inseparable.**

**End of the chapter**

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	5. Johnny's Father

Chapter 5- Johnny's Dad

**Chapter 5- Johnny's Dad**

**Disclaimer- I don't own anything except Johnny XD**

The doctor came to me today. She told me that I will die. I really realize that today. I WILL FUCKING DIE. Adios. Aurevoir. Goodbye. Since 5 days, they gave me morphine, Dilaudil...you know some kind of this hard stuff who have the same effect of heroin. I've been a junkie, and I still sit on my "death bed". Sorry...I was clean. I think it's a good introduction for the first step of my junkie life...I was 11.

As usual, I was at my detention, with Johnny, Lucas, Bruce...and oh, the new Drake...red hair…aggressive guy. Very funny. I had a crush on him...my first crush. Haha! Now he is in jail because he killed a guy from Degrassi. Stupid. Whatever. So my stepfather came to take me at the end of my detention in his stolen car. He didn't drive me home .He drove me to some kind of bunker. He got out of the car before me and told me to stay there. So I opened my school bag and took my bottle of "water"…with some booze in it. I had the feeling that in this building, things will be bad. He came back and opened my door. He took me by the neck. It hurt.

"Come and shut up little puta."

I said nothing and kept my head high.

In the bunker, it was smoky and smelly. Marijuana. I recognized Johnny's dad. Uh oh. I was stressed. He showed me a corner and told me not to move out of the place. So I sat my ass on the cold and dirty floor and decided to continue to drink my booze. Johnny's dad approached me.

"What're you drinking little girl. I think it's not for you."

He stole my bottle and caressed my hair. The first thing I did was punch him in the face with my soldier boot. His nose was bleeding.

"FUCK! You told me that she wouldn't move," he shouted.

The other men in the place were laughing. The one who looked to be the chief told me to come around the table.

"Scarlet. It's your name right?"

I nodded my head yes.

He showed me a joint.

"Do you want to taste it?"

I took it without any words. I knew that I couldn't stop their plan. The plan was to have sex with me. The young teen of 11 years old. It's true that I was not anymore a little girl. My hair was dyed and I wore make-up. Dark make-up. My clothes were more mature. Some kind of a punk/Goth/rocker.

I smoked it. And fucking liked the sensation. And it's how I took my first drug and how I had sex for the first time…with Johnny's dad. When I think of that, it grosses me out.

The next day, Johnny came to my apartment, as usual, to play at some videos games. He was my best friend.

"Did you ever kiss someone?" he asked me.

"Yes," I answered

"Who?"

I continued to play and I just answered the truth. Normally.

"My stepfather...and your father."

He just stopped playing and looked at me with his eyes wide open.

"WHAT?"

I stopped playing too. I realized what I had said.

"Yes Johnny...you understand. I kissed my stepfather and your father. It's complicated."

I began to realize at this time how it was hard for me to deal with that. And how I was feeling good with the joint and vodka. So I got up and got the leather jacket of my stepfather. Joint...I took it and began to smoke it…in front of Johnny.

"What the hell are you doing Scarlet? It's drugs!"

"And? So what? Do you want try?"

He took it nervously and smoked. He coughed. I laughed and took it back.

"So Scarlet...sorry for asking but do you have sex with them? Man, I mean you're talking about my father! And just hope that is not repeated. Understand?"

"Ok...and if I said yes, what will happen? Tell me? You think it's easy but it's not! I just can't go to the cops! I don't wanna see a specialist!"

"Are you trying to tell me that you're an abused child?"

I wanted so hard to slap him in the face. But I didn't. I just began to cry.

"YES! And? WHAT CAN I DO?! Tell me! Look at what we live in Johnny. You're an abused child too. I know that you're dad hits you every night. And you do nothing too. Fuck...I'm 11. At school I'm always in detention. Like you. I never do my homework; I'm not a good girl."

It was our first discussion about it. And not certainly the last. I was an angry child...but it was worse since Johnny knew.

During the summer, between primary and high school, I was selling some marijuana for my stepfather to pay my own consolation for some kids of the streets. You know, the kids of 15 years in the street. I began to hang out with them a little bit. But I continued to be with Johnny's gang.

Ready for the high school.


End file.
